Being real with God

In the last two weeks or so I have been feeling more alive than I have felt in I cannot even tell you how long. Praise be to God. I have been excited about things again, glad to be alive, grateful for all that I have been given. The choir director at our church asked if I would sing with the choir for a song this morning because they were short people (the number of singers, not their stature :) We sang "It is Well With My Soul" which we sang at our wedding (August 16, 2003) and at my Mom's funeral (early October 2003) This today was after an especially moving sermon by one of our pastors and a praiseful time with 2 contemporary songs. As I stood in front of church holding my hymnal my eyes were watery from joy.  I sang with all of who I was at the moment, literally shaking from the emotion of it.  Oh there have been such deep valleys and distance traveled within them over these last 18 months of this life. But today I could sing that it is well with my soul. It is very well.  Oh that it will remain.
   And as I sat to write to praise God during my quiet time (while Margaret is having her "quiet" (yeah, right) time) little sprouts of fear were already trying to make their way to the surface, ever so silently. But, I really did not want to admit this to God (as if He does not know). The truth is that in the midst of such blessings of recent, my mind wanted to start fearing for the future and preparing for the worst. Really. I decided to be real with God. I wrote in my journal, "I confess Lord, that part of me is scared that this will be taken away from me." But I will not live in fear anymore.  What is the point? It does not matter what tomorrow holds, because there is no where I can go where I will be away from the Spirit of our living God.
"Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence?  If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.  If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast. If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me, " even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you. " 
Psalm 139:7-12
   Over the last few years many times I have cried out to God and I have felt that He was asking me, "Do you trust me?" I trust you Lord, oh help me when my trust falters.