Priorities

I did not yet write about it, but the discernment I received from God regarding the Haiti trip was, "Not this time."  For the first time in a long while I will be putting my family first.  There is a spiritual I have heard, "Get your house in order..."  This is what I need to do.  To learn how to put my husband first, and then our daughter. So I am working on that now, with God's help.
  In other news, I started taking a very small dose of a different happy pill.  I know that God is faithful, and if He really wanted to enable me to come off of the pills He would. However as of last week I felt a dark cloud descending, and my stomach was frequently churning concerned about me potentially scarring Margaret (through my lack of patience).  This was not a great time for extra stress for my husband either, and I asked myself, "Why AM I doing this?"  It would be one thing if it were just me trying to see if it was the time, but I do not live in an isolated universe.
   Crazily enough, the one positive constant about me going off of the happy pills was that it drew me much closer to God.  I was soooo aware of my need for grace and for constant provision of patience from Him. I knew I did not have the patience on my own because it had become evident. Beforehand for quite a while I would come to the confession time at church and have nothing I could think of to confess!  That was much more a measure of my (lack of) awareness of my sin rather than my actual sinning on a daily basis.
   So, I get what the book of James talks about regarding,
"Consider it pure joy my brothers, whenever you have trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.  Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." James 1:2-4

I don't know that I will ever be joyful for tribulation, but I welcome a chance to draw close to God.  And, although this trial is mostly over for the time being, never fear, a new trial will appear!