I am grateful to say that Friday was the best day I have had in a while. In the morning I shared with John things that were weighing heavily on my mind - primarily my deliberations in discipline with Margaret. It had gotten to the point where I was questioning pretty much every thing I was doing regarding discipline with Margaret. He asked me some pertinent questions regarding what I thought would happen if I "mess up". Ultimately, God is in control. We talked more, and then he prayed. And that day I was finally able to let go of the constant barrage of self-doubt and fear. This for me was a concrete example of God blessing me through my husband. I am so grateful for this partner in life that God has given me.
I am starting to have some peace and some positive feelings so that is hopeful for me. I know that God is faithful regardless of how I am feeling.
In regard to the "Experiencing God" book, it has brought up a lot of questions for me. I thought I knew God, but now I wonder if I was only praying to His pinky toenail. Someone in the class brought up that idols we worship can include the gods we create in our mind. Basically, we as Christians can come up with our own convenient manageable idea of God, and pray to that, that isn't really God. I fear that I have very much done that at times. I have thought somehow that I had God all figured out. Now I realize that I don't, and how can we as humans, possibly ever have Him all figured out? So, that is where I am right now. God is God, and I am not - I know that for sure.
