I am still seeking Jesus and trying to listen. Rather than seeking God in the sunroom with the shades closed, I finally opened the shades and let the light in. Some days I have sat on the deck or on the trampoline. I know that darkness is as light to Him, but I don't have to sit in the dark to seek Him, especially when I am challenged emotionally.
It just hit me recently that I have been totally underestimating the Holy Spirit, and that is a serious understatement. Ironic considering the domain name for this blog (www.befilledwiththespirit.blogspot.com), huh? I have been reading, "Theology of the Body for Beginners" for a Mom's group at my church. Thinking about marriage on earth and what it points towards in heaven, as well as how our physical bodies bear the image of our Creator.
I think because the Holy Spirit is to me the fuzziest part of the Trinity (Father, Son, and Holy Spirit), I just didn't go there. What was I thinking? Jesus said He was sending a Comforter to his disciples after He would go back to the Father. If I do not have faith in the power of the Holy Spirit living within me I would guess that would severely limit His power in my life. Hmmm...
I have been struggling with the idea that perhaps I had been praying to God's pinky toenail when I thought I had totally understood God. Now that I know I cannot completely understand Him, it was hard for me to envision to whom I was praying. I did not want to create an idol made up of my own limited concept of God. I shared this with my Aunt Marilyn,who we got to spend time with on our trip today (as well as my Uncle Frank). Out of the conversation (I think she said it) came the recognition that I can just pray to Jesus. Duh!! He is the one who came in human flesh. He is the one who dwelt among us and experienced temptations and cried for his beloved friend that had died. I can relate more to Him. It is beyond humbling to know that he endured unimaginable suffering and the weight of our sins and died on the cross for me. But He did.
And to think I have struggled with this for a couple months. . .
Yet it was an important point that brought on the questioning for me - basically that we need to be careful that we do not create our own convenient form of God and worship that rather than the one true God.
