I have felt that my faith has been under attack lately. Our pastor said that that is when we tend to seek substitutes for God. I have definitely seen that within myself (distraction, food, sleep). I know that faith is not all about emotions and how you "feel". However I just still had not recently been able to feel God near. But I did realize that I had been thinking a lot about how I was feeling and not about how faithful God is.
I have not thought of myself as a complainer, but in life I have often found myself wanting the lives of other people. Or, wishing I had their friendships, or confidence, or whatever. I am not frequently coveting their physical things, it is other dimensions of their lives. One of the Ten Commandments instructs us not to covet anything that belongs to our neighbor. I think I can see why. But this morning when I was driving by myself I was thinking about my life. In being really honest with myself, I wondered if someone who did not know Christ would see Him in my life? I really do not think that I have been living in the abundant life that He wants to give us. Jesus said, "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full" (John 10:10).
In Philippians chapter 4 Paul says, "12 I
know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I
have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation,
whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. 13 I can do all this through him who gives me strength".
I have struggled with anxiety and depression in this life and they are very real. I believe I do have some challenged neurotransmitters (or receivers), but there are many who suffer far worse than me. But I cannot say that I have been practicing a life of contentment. And, I can definitely say that many times I try to do for myself what only God can do. I don't give him the chance - I don't even allow the possibility. We as humans cannot possible understand Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. I have read the Bible multiple times. Enough to know that God can raise dead people back to life, cast out demons, not to mention creating the whole world. And, He cares! "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life" John 3:16.
He loves us that much. It takes a risk to ask God for what we really need. But if we never do, we will never know how our lives could be different.
Why is it so hard to rest in God's provision, pray, and leave it in His hands (without taking it back and worrying over it, trying to do it ourselves)? As I have read in, "Experiencing God", He is the same God He was in the Bible, and He is still able to do all of those things that He has done for the faithful in the past.
We (really I) just have to give Him the chance. . .
