Living a lie

I have been living a lie.  I squashed my heart/self into a tiny little prison with little room for air. And I. will. not. do. it. anymore. I have been working on a song that expresses things. I will put the lyrics thus far below.  I am clear on the chords for the chorus and one verse, but that is it*. However, I feel the need to put it "out there" to share now.
   If you have negative feedback for me or your own advice, please express it/deal with it elsewhere.  God is working on me, and I am in counseling that is more than worth the physical cost. I need to get things out. I am trying to be honest with myself, God, my family, and friends for the first time in my life. 
  I have heard people in recovery talk of their new birthday as when things changed and they were able to leave behind junk of the past. For me I consider that new birthday to be May 20, 2014. You won't find it on any certificate or any record books anywhere, but it is the day I started to allow myself to have feelings again.

No More

No more hiding, no more fears

No more swallowing down my tears

No more prison bars for me to lock myself inside. 

You never wanted that for me. I will no longer hide.

I will find out who I am and 

Who I am is good.

I will no longer be the one 

imprisoned by the 'should'.

I don't know how I got there - 

Okay that is a lie.

I couldn't see for far too long - 

that log stuck in my eye. 

Oh, I've been quick to judge I'll say

and quick to point my finger

To think I knew what's wrong with you,

and on that I would linger.

Oh I tried to save the world I did,

One person at a time.

Turns out the life that needed saving actually was mine.

Oh I tried to save the world I did,

One person at a time.

Turns out the life that needed saving actually was mine.

 I will find out who I am and

Who I am is good. 

I will no longer be the one 

imprisoned by the 'should'.

And I have played the doormat most willingly for all. 

When you've squashed your true desires and hopes your needs are very small

I don't mind if you step on me - am I not here for that?

Couldn't tell you if it hurt me though, no feelings in a mat.

Oh I tried to save the world I did,

One person at a time.

Turns out the life that needed saving actually was mine.

Oh I tried to save the world I did,

One person at a time.

Turns out the life that needed saving actually was mine.

 I will find out who I am and

Who I am is good. 

I will no longer be the one 

imprisoned by the 'should'. 

Oh, yes I was squashed down inside,

imprisoned by myself.

Didn't know I needed helping - 

Never would have asked for help.

(Part of final verse)

No apology for being me

God made me wondrously

No guilt to beat me on the head 

and pin my heart inside.

Oh yes God made me fearfully 

I will.no.longer.hide.

*Okay, I did a garage band recording during my daughter's 'quiet time' but now I can't figure out how to insert it. I may have to record a video. I was trying to avoid doing that.  I will try for tonight.