I am so blessed yet there are so many days I do not know it. So blessed. I just finished watching "The Color Purple" for the first time. Wow. To have people that you love that love you, that is the 2nd greatest gift in the world, other than Jesus dying on the cross and rising again to save us. People that love us for who we really are, sin, wrinkles, yucky looking feet and all. This is what brings life and joy to our days. Oh I can get caught up in so many things that do not matter at all. Who cares if I weigh 10 pounds more than I want to weigh? Life is short. Children grow up fast. Health is a blessed gift as well that does not last forever. We are not guaranteed tomorrow, yesterday is gone, and all we have is today. Why waste that time lamenting what I am not, or what I do not have? Why waste that time worrying about things that likely may never happen, when my worrying would not make things better anyway??
I get to go on a vacation with my family to somewhere beautiful and stay there for free. Family members feed us and enjoy our company.
There have been plenty of times I have begrudged my housework, and fantasized about having a day completely to myself. I am SO blessed to be able to stay home and care for our daughter and our house. I am blessed to have pots to wash because it means I got to eat. It means there are people that I love that love me and enjoy being around me.
Last Thursday I started waking up early again and I feared the worst - that what happened to me this past fall was going to happen again. I started having some worries. I got scared.
But I made a choice. I will choose faith over fear. God offers me that choice. In the past I have made the choice for fear and let it take over my life. Choosing faith is hard because it involves a retraining of my brain. It is hardest in the morning. But I believe I always have the choice. God offers me another way of living. He will carry it all for me, but I have to offer it to him- all my fears and worries. He wants to carry it for me. He does not want me to suffer like I did last fall, when my trust was in our bank account rather than my Heavenly Father. Checks may bounce but prayers to Jesus do not.
Amen! I have struggled SOOOOOO much this pregnancy. I have been taking 2 hour naps like 3-4 times a week and it SUCKS. At the same time dealing with two kids who are constantly in each other's faces and bickering and hitting and yelling at each other is just more than I can deal with when I have almost zero energy (and patience). On top of it, summer is the time of year when Ryan spends pretty much all weekend, every weekend, doing projects around the house. It's hot outside so I feel trapped inside the house with these kids. I've had a lot of days stretch in front of me where I'm praying in the morning, God, I don't know how I'm going to get through today. I desperately need your help to just get me through just one more day. It's amazing how many days I've looked back on, in the evening, and realized that somehow, in spite of my cranky and exhausted spirit, my kids and I somehow made it through another day. It's hard to always be positive about our daily grind, but like you're saying, in faith each morning I have to believe that God sees me, and sees the daily sacrifice it is to raise small children, and that somehow, it counts for something.
ReplyDeleteWow Becky. I did not realize how much you were struggling.I will pray for you and your family. I know that raising children and investing of your life in them is hugely significant. I think your children are the greatest legacy you can leave on this earth when you die.
Delete