Surprised by Mercy

Apparently I have been being very hard on myself. My counselor pointed out that my choice of words - "lies" etc. - are very intense and may not be the most appropriate words to describe things.  She said that really I have had trouble speaking up for my needs, and that now I am learning how to be aware of my needs and be assertive in asking for the things that I need.
   I also thought, mistakenly, that I could go from being not honest all of the time to being completely honest all of the time.  Black and white thinking there. And, not humanly possible, nor healthy or helpful for those at whom my 'honesty' would be directed.
  I think honestly in love may be what I want to strive for. We ALL need to give ourselves mercy first, and then we can give it to each other. However I am wondering if the only way to be able to give ourselves mercy is when we accept the mercy of Jesus Christ.  I think we have to accept the mercy he freely gave and gives us in His death on the cross for us, in order for us to STOP PUTTING OURSELVES UP ON THAT CROSS. Jesus already did that, and He is NO LONGER hanging up on that cross.  Stop putting yourself up there!!! (I am saying this to me and you)

  "Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith who, for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God". Hebrews 12:2