My Anchor

    Summer is quickly approaching and with it impending transition. There will be much less time to myself as well as little established structure to the days.  Already social/church activities have ended and I had a taste of unstructured time earlier this week.  I found myself freaking out a bit because I was not sure what to do in the time I DID have to myself. Then Margaret and I spent too much time in the house because I had not planned things for us to do. I know my peace of mind should not be dependent on social interactions and planned activities, and yet I felt that I was floundering. I found the following Scripture which I then meditated on for a good bit of time, "We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure. (Hebrews 6:19)"
    All around me is constantly changing, and even with things I think I can depend on, I am deluded. Happiness will come and go, yet I can have peace in my soul if I anchor myself in Christ. I don't know about you, but when I am in pain, or unsettled, or simply not at peace I first look for things I think will make me feel better.  I keep thinking I am going to find those things at the bottom of a Ben and Jerry's carton.  What I do find there is disappointment in myself as well as frustration at my lack of self-control. Satan would like to use these times for me to beat up on myself. Yet I will choose instead to know that I am a work in progress and God will use these struggles ultimately to draw me closer to Him. I have had seasons in which I feel like I WAS dependent on God and His provision rather than looking for it elsewhere.  And then, I did not feel the need to eat to fill myself with food even when my stomach is satiated.
   Today at church I got to sing from the front with a friend who was leading part of the musical worship time. I did not know until today what songs we would be singing. Part of a song came to mind as I was trying to move the piano, and then I realized it was part of the song we would be singing. It was, "my anchor holds within the veil". It was from the song "Cornerstone". I had been meditating on scripture during the week that was likely part of what inspired the song I helped sing today.
   God IS providing what I need, and He did so this past week. I didn't know ahead of time how He would do it, and that is hard. It is hard to put all your trust in someone you cannot see, and often cannot hear either. I could plan for my daughter to go to a camp every week of the summer (our budget would not like that), but then I would miss out on the creative ways in which God will provide for my and my daughter's needs. I have to give God the space and time and opportunity to be at work in my life.